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Oh, Baby

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By marydalene

A preface: I wrote this on April 4, and then got scared that it was too revealing and so I didn’t post it. Jared encouraged me to post it anyway so that people could get to “know me a little better.” And you should also know that by the time that I was nine months pregnant, I was so excited to meet Ryan and have him join our family. I just needed all nine months to prepare to meet him. He’s my little cutie pie and I adore him and am so happy that he is part of our family. It’s only been two months since he joined us, and already I can’t imagine our little family without him.

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Being seven-months pregnant gets me a lot of questions of “How are you doing?” It seems to dominate most conversations I have with other people, and it is very understandable considering my condition.

The answer I often give people is “much better” (considering the problems I had earlier), but at the same time I’m not better. How do you convey to someone the tiredness, the achy joints, the heartburn and other problems that come with pregnancy and not sound ungrateful? Because that’s what it feels whenever I complain about these problems. That I’m ungrateful that I’m having another baby when I didn’t think I would.

And being ungrateful is the last thing on my mind.

I am very keenly aware that this baby boy, who loves to move and kick and say “Hi, Mom!” all day long is one of the biggest blessings I have been given in my life. One of those tender mercies that Heavenly Father sees fit to bestow upon his children. And I am excited to meet him and have him join our family.

I am also terrified.

Terrified because I had prepared myself and my heart to not be in this position again. I wasn’t mentally prepared to find out I was pregnant. And it is an adjustment I have struggled with over these past months. (And being on doctor’s orders of “no running” has been a real struggle for me.) I don’t know why this has been such a challenge for me, but adjusting to the fact that I am pregnant has been my hurdle. And so while I am so done with being pregnant at this point, I am so not ready for him to be here yet. The very definition of a catch-22.

Jared is my biggest support right now. Nearly every day he expresses his joy and excitement at seeing me in my current state (waddling around the house in my sock-covered feet, can I be any more cliché?). And that joy and happiness is what has helped me get through my harder days and realize that yes, this is exciting. This is wonderful. This is a miracle.

So it is time to tackle that list of things that need to get done before he arrives. Get his clothes and bedding organized, and clean the car seat carrier that Sarah used. Get some diapers (and wipes) and pick a name. And be happy. Because I’m having a baby.

And that is exciting.

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Comments

  1. Mary AnnJuly 21, 2012 at 9:56 PM

    Thank you for sharing your experience. Ryan sure is an adorable miracle!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Shae, Jay, and chillin'July 22, 2012 at 3:21 PM

    Wouldn't it be nice if all blessings could be just that? But no, there are always too sides...in the end Heavenly Father knows what we need and how to bless us more than we know ourselves! I am excited for your family to have little Ryan...he is super cute and I am thankful you decided to post the REAL feelings we have as women.

    ReplyDelete

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